I have so many thoughtful nuggets in my Substack I want to nurture. Meditations on intergenerational trauma, death, art, war. Big Stuff. What our beloved Wendy Williams calls “The Hot Topics!”
But early this week, as I was going through some of my old clips, I discovered some busted old lady was taking credit for my work. This isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. It’s happened to other writer friends as well. But today was the first time it made me ANGRY.
I was instantly transported back to who I was fresh out of college, trying to figure out how to get into the freelance blogging game (I know, this sentence hurts me too). Some of the headlines I wrote were absolutely bananas. The epitome of 2010s Buzzfeedesque, millennial cringe:
Funny Celebrity Vines You Have to Follow
Hey Bro, Need a New Wardrobe? 42 Men's Fashion Blogs You Should Follow
8 Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Party Girl (??? written by me…the party girl…)
And of course, the crème de la crème (that old emails reveal I wrote for $10):
Epic texting pranks that will make you LMFAO
It’s so embarrassing that I wrote these things. It’s more embarrassing that I thought I HAD to write these things to…be a…blogger?
So when I saw that some snotty-nosed B-I-T-C-H stole my byline for Single and dateless? Here are nine amazing films to watch on Valentine’s Day I went into full dickhead mode. Not only did I not want to write this trash, but I didn’t get paid and I didn’t get credit.
Years of letting myself be stepped all over because I’ve wanted to get my foot in the (blogging??) door reared up AND BOY DID I LET MY JOURNAL HAVE IT.
After calming myself down, I wrote my firm but “fair” LinkedIn message to “Gina Smith,” the PhD, the NYT Bestselling author, the anti-bullying advocate (more fuel for my fire), the COLONIZER OF MY LISTICLE.
I’m not convinced Gina is real tbh because there are like two pictures of her on the internet. And if she is REAL, then she co-hosted some show about in the “Internet Superhighway” which would make her not just a thief, but an OLD THIEF.
Woman, I gave you a chance to redeem yourself. But it’s been over 24 hours, and now I have to take your girlboss mask off to reveal you for what you really are— A STINKY STEALING HAG.
Ok. I’m done being wicked (she started it!). Here is a content dump of the strange, the hilarious, and the ~demented~:
apple guy just having fun eatin some apples
Heidi Klum’s egg husband <3
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My new favorite creator (who doesn’t need a girlfriend bc he has coffee)
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4. This new-t0-me content called stimboards (like satisfying content meets lo-fi Pinterest)
This man who was failed by the world and then made some email tutorial videos about it
Tiktok failed to load.
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And some long-form, if you’re up for it:
Geopolitical Barbie by Toni Nagy gives us a summary of international affairs as told by the Gerwigian “Weird Barbie” archetype
(To clarify, Nagy IS the weird Barbie)
Ashton Kutcher’s horrifying revenge plot against Kristen Dunst for not wanting to date him, as chronicled on the acclaimed documentary series, Punk’d:
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Ok. That’s it. Let’s see if Substack bans me for bullying.
XOXO,
Gothtitsgravyswirl
I am here for the revenge plot. Gina you’re going DOWN!